{
    "version": "https://jsonfeed.org/version/1.1",
    "title": "home on neelkantha",
    "description": "Recent content in home on neelkantha",
    "home_page_url": "https://neelfirst.com/",
    "feed_url": "https://neelfirst.com/index.json",
    "language": "en-US",
    "icon": "https://neelfirst.com/images/n_stylized.png",
    "favicon": "https://neelfirst.com/images/n_stylized.png",
    "authors": [
        {
            "name": "neel",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com"
        }
    ],
    "items": [
        {
            "title": "the siege of krishnapur",
            "date_published": "2026-06-01T11:06:29-07:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-06-01T11:06:29-07:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/siege/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/siege/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003eWhy do people insist on defending their ideas and opinions which such ferocity, as if defending honour itself? What could be easier to change than an idea?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eJ.G. Farrell, 1973\u003c/p\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "archive: seed",
            "date_published": "2026-05-29T07:49:47-07:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-05-29T07:49:47-07:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/seed/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/seed/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003ejuly 2020\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou are contacted by another being.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt communicates by possessing you.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt seems it is attempting to find a way to talk to you.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt is a dizzying sensation. You feel faint.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou manage to grab something to eat, you are hungry. You stumble, with a pillow it seems, there tucked into your right arm,\naround the kitchen counter and into the study.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt is dark in here. You move to sit on the dark couch, Right Arm puts the pillow on the couch first, then takes the food.\nMeanwhile you manage to avoid the black cat, he seems grateful with a soft welcoming meow, but you can\u0026rsquo;t respond.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOn to the possession then. Whatever it is, wherever it\u0026rsquo;s from, it doesn\u0026rsquo;t seem to possess any notion of patience.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou feel your nerves tingle briefly, a scanning feeling beginning at the back of your head and traveling down the spine,\nbranching out and away through the arms, hands, torso, fingers, hips, crotch, legs, toes. It missed your brain, it seems.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThen the visions begin.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey are symbols. Many of them. They seem to race out towards you, hordes of them, very faint, very small, against a\npulsing tie-dye backdrop. They shift suddenly, to an array of symbols, scrolling roughly left to right, at a rather\ncrooked angle.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey are hieroglyphics.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNo, it immediately responds to this thought by inserting a mouse cursor, four-leaf clover, an emoji of a 🏠, then\nit is too much, the rainbow backdrop pulses stronger, overwhelming, like it\u0026rsquo;s urgently delighted that you can understand it.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThey are hieroglyphics, which means you need a Rosetta Stone or something, to figure out -\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNO, it pulses once, briefly, angrily. The symbols continue, repetitive iconography, emoji strings playing on heart strings,\ntrying to make you understand.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou send it a picture of her. You imagine her, brown hair straight wavy fair face little smile white teeth in her\nridiculously bright bold red sweater and matching pants. She is sitting on a stool for some reason (she never does that),\nagainst a living green wall background. You imagine her sharply, completely, easily, and push forth your image through\nthe symbology.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEverything changes again.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is turning into quite the trial. Right Arm manages to stuff food in your mouth and you chew. Tastes like chocolate\nand peanut butter. Good old Right Arm.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eNow the images return, more starkly this time, more defined and larger but still a little fuzzy, like prints from\nphotographs developed by a novice. An aesthetic choice rather than a lack of skill.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAn aesthetic choice. These are things it likes.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI LIKE JUMPING\nI LIKE DRAWING\nI LIKE CLIMBING\nI LIKE DANCING\nWHO AM I\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOh wow. That was unexpected.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI LIKE SINGING\nI LIKE SWEET GOOD\nI LIKE MY YELLOW BIKE\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026rsquo;s your daughter.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI LIKE ACTING ON STAGE\nI LIKE PLAYING IN A BAND\nI LIKE PLANTING SEEDS\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThat\u0026rsquo;s not familiar to you. She\u0026rsquo;s only three, no way unless\u0026hellip;\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003ean image of the two of them, mother daughter, in bright red clothing, hands in the soils moist from a strong rain - that was today, wasn\u0026rsquo;t it -\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePLANT THE SEED\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u0026hellip;unless she\u0026rsquo;s from the future.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI LOVE YOU\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis is too much, really. You struggle to disengage, and find no resistance, but a sensation does wash over and through your\nbody, the departing warmth of an embrace.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYou are in the study again. The couch supports your weight, the pillow supports your back. You feel tears welling in your\nleft eye. Right Arm feeds you.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour body begins to twitch lightly, sequentially, like each nerve bundle is going through it\u0026rsquo;s own wakeup routine.\nYou discover a warm feeling on your thighs, the cat has moved to your lap. Your back hurts. Your bladder is full.\nThe cat is dozing hard, but he\u0026rsquo;s awake. He\u0026rsquo;s counting on your caring instinct not to move him and get up.\nYou live up to his expectations.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe sensation of communicating with another sentient being was strong. Your memories are fresh and vivid.\nIt could have been a powerful subconscious message, a dream, but mysteries of origin aside it was powerful enough\nto pay attention, like a slap to the face.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePlant the seed.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eMore than routines, lessons, chores, more than just getting by. It takes more time, more effort, more persistence,\nto plant a seed and help it grow.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eYour grip on the memories begins to fade, they are slippery little creatures, fuzzing in and out of existence\nlike an old television struggling with a weak signal. You manage to retain the essence of the experience; you can\nstill order them in time, that\u0026rsquo;s a plus. Your visual memory of the experience fades, but with concentrated effort you\nretain it and commit it to writing.\u003c/p\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "archive: napa",
            "date_published": "2026-05-29T07:41:34-07:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-05-29T07:41:34-07:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/napa/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/napa/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003emarch 2021\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ewell it took me long enough i suppose. 18 years ago i was possessed by an urge to climb mountains, hills whatever.\ni don\u0026rsquo;t need to conquer the tallest peaks, but at least those that are around me i wanted to see the top.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ethere was a hill behind a church that a couple of my friends found back in San Diego. You weren\u0026rsquo;t really allowed up there\nbut no one was there to stop you. just like right now. 18 years later.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ei recall a full moon one night i love driving cars that will let you turn their headlights off at night. i love driving\nover the light on the full moon with nothing else - pretty dangerous in retrospect but also pretty liberating. one of\nthose things that teenage boys love to do pretending that they are men.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ei reached the park that held this property behind the church. it was a small church, nothing special, a little playground\nfor the kids running small daycare. gods i would kill for some daycare.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ei parked my car in their parking lot, headlights off. and i started to cross the creek where my friends and i would\ngather and reflect and it reminded me of the woods in my backyard growing up in Georgia when i was 6 years old.\ni lived there from 4 to 9. you could just walk and start walking. no one was there to stop you - no boundaries, no fences.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ei never quite reached the top of that hill that night. there was nothing there to stop me except myself. after some way\nup i grew scared. i believe i was afraid someone would come find me and tell me i wasn\u0026rsquo;t supposed to be there. i don\u0026rsquo;t\nthink i was ever afraid of such a thing but when i was 13 we were illegally setting off fireworks and the cops came twice.\nonce they gave us the benefit of the doubt. we lied and the next time they were pissed. i\u0026rsquo;m not sure what would have\nhappened to us down there in the deep south if my mom hadn\u0026rsquo;t come through it just the right time and put on a show for the police.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ein any case i stopped myself that night. i stopped and turned around and said someday i\u0026rsquo;ll come back for you. and i\ndid come back and each time i did i felt like it wasn\u0026rsquo;t worth it any more. not sure why.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ebut here i am 18 years later on top of a hill near a cabin i rented. i don\u0026rsquo;t feel anxiety on my way up. it was\nmuch steeper actually, much harder to climb that dinky ass hill. i face the same doubts on my way up. are there\nmountain lions here? is there a tree that will fall on me? should i just stop and turn back now? but i pushed\nthrough that and i made it to the top of the hill. and i\u0026rsquo;m glad i did it.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ethere\u0026rsquo;s nothing really up here except for the view. it is at once remarkable and mundane. remarkable that no one\nelse is up here, remarkable at the expanse that you can view. mundane in that every other spot on this ridge would\ngive you the exact same view.\u003c/p\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "lulu",
            "date_published": "2026-03-12T15:34:55-07:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-03-12T15:34:55-07:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/lulu/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/lulu/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"/images/lulu.jpg\" alt=\"lulu\"\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "word",
            "date_published": "2026-02-18T11:05:01-07:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-02-18T11:05:01-07:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/word/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/word/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003e\u0026ldquo;In the beginning there was information. The word came later.\u0026rdquo; - Fred Dretske\u003c/p\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "infosphere",
            "date_published": "2026-02-14T11:03:05-07:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-02-14T11:03:05-07:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/infosphere/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/infosphere/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003eMost of the biosphere cannot see the infosphere; it is invisible, a parallel universe humming with ghostly inhabitants.\nBut they are not ghosts to us - not anymore.\nWe humans, alone among the earth\u0026rsquo;s organic creatures, live in both worlds at once.\nIt is as though, having long coexisted with the unseen, we have begun to develop the needed extrasensory perception.\nWe are aware of the many species of information.\nWe name their types sardonically, as though to reassure ourselves that we understand:\n\u003cem\u003eurban myths\u003c/em\u003e and \u003cem\u003ezombie lies\u003c/em\u003e.\nWe keep them alive in air-conditioned server farms. But we cannot own them.\nWhen a jingle lingers in our ears,\nor a fad turns fashion upside down,\nor a hoax dominates the global chatter for months and vanishes as swiftly as it came,\nwho is master and who is slave?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eJames Gleick, The Information\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "gathering",
            "date_published": "2026-02-09T09:38:34-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-02-09T09:38:34-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/gather/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/gather/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003e\u0026ldquo;Man the food-gatherer reappears incongruously as information-gatherer.\nIn this role, [digital] man is no less a nomad than his Paleolithic ancestors.\u0026rdquo;\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMarshall McLuhan, Understanding Media (1964)\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "blame",
            "date_published": "2026-02-04T11:04:25-07:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-02-04T11:04:25-07:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/blame/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/blame/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003e\u0026ldquo;The human world is made of stories, not people. The people the stories use to tell themselves are not to be blamed.\u0026rdquo;\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDavid Mitchell\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "chaos",
            "date_published": "2026-01-30T09:37:01-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-01-30T09:37:01-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/chaos/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/chaos/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003eOn a philosophical level, [the phenomenon of chaos] struck me as an operational way to define free will,\nin a way that allowed you to reconcile free will with determinism. The system is deterministic, but you\ncan\u0026rsquo;t say what it\u0026rsquo;s going to do next.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eAt the same time, I\u0026rsquo;d always felt that the important problems out there in the world had to do with the\ncreation of organization, in life or intelligence. But how did you study that? I always felt that the\nspontaneous emergence of self-organization ought to be part of physics.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHere was one coin with two sides. Here was order, with randomness emerging, and then one step further away\nwas randomness with its own underlying order.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eDoyle Farmer, in Chaos by James Gleick\u003c/p\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "maturity",
            "date_published": "2026-01-29T11:01:05-07:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-01-29T11:01:05-07:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/maturity/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/maturity/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003eThe work of the mature person is to carry grief in one hand and gratitude in the other and to be stretched large by them.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHow much sorrow can I hold? That\u0026rsquo;s how much gratitude I can give.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf I carry only grief, I\u0026rsquo;ll bend toward cynicism and despair.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIf I have only gratitude, I\u0026rsquo;ll become saccharine and won\u0026rsquo;t develop much compassion for other people\u0026rsquo;s suffering.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eGrief keeps the heart fluid and soft, which helps make compassion possible.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eFrancis Weller\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "fern",
            "date_published": "2026-01-06T21:13:02-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-01-06T21:13:02-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/fern/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/fern/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"/images/combined.png\" alt=\"mathematical poster displaying L-fern progression over several iterations\"\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "travel",
            "date_published": "2026-01-04T10:19:18-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2026-01-04T10:19:18-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/travel/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/travel/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003e\u0026ldquo;Don\u0026rsquo;t just do something. Sit there!\u0026rdquo; - Zen proverb\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI received the gift of a lovely New Yorker essay from a relative, which blessed me with this opportunity to reflect on and clarify my\nfeelings towards travelling.[1] I was at first reminded of my time spent online dating. \u0026ldquo;I love to travel\u0026rdquo; became a clear signal\nto me to just move on! But why? That essay put words to some of my feelings that contributed to developing that heuristic.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFirst, the usage of travel for personality. As the article states, \u0026ldquo;I love to travel\u0026rdquo; is highly uninformative. Perhaps unfairly,\nI judged this statement (and to be clear, when unaccompanied by any expansion on the statement) to indicate a certain lack of\nself-awareness, or clear self-knowledge.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eSecond, the favoring of \u003cem\u003edoing\u003c/em\u003e over \u003cem\u003ebeing\u003c/em\u003e. This was for the profiles with photos in every particular location - except\nperhaps where I\u0026rsquo;m most likely to spend my time with said person! I think this derives from Platonic philosophy - \u0026ldquo;a man\nis measured by what he does\u0026rdquo; - and is a particular affliction of Westernized peoples. Not the kind of thinker I want to\nkeep close by.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe essay speaks of \u0026ldquo;locomotive traveling\u0026rdquo;, and I am reminded of a tour I did 15 years ago through the American Southwest.\nI recall watching the sunrise in Monument Valley, yearning to lean into the connection between my body and the land,\nbut being very much contained by the Navajo protocol. \u003cem\u003eKeep to the road, tourist, then leave.\u003c/em\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI complied. They knew what I did not yet understand: I came for an experience, they remain for the land.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026rsquo;s interesting to me to observe the correlation between imperialism and leisure travel. At least in Western history, we see\nthe practice first arise in Roman times, only to fall during the Dark Ages, and resurface again in modern imperial Europe.[2]\nDue to the expense involved, leisure travel was restricted to nobility and royalty - only with the advent of modern transport\ninfrastructure did such vacations become available to the masses.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eFast forward to today and it seems there is a distinction worth drawing - between travelling and the idea of travelling.\nWhether it\u0026rsquo;s a resort, a retreat, or some bespoke enlightened lodging situation - an experience is being created and sold in\nyour mind as an idea of travelling. The empire of money and the colonization of the planet and its peoples facilitate this\nideation. Capitalist salesmanship leans on storytelling to refine your idea into an experience. Time, artificially constrained\nby the social order, drives the efficient transfer of experience - and its price.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis pattern of conquer-then-consume doesn\u0026rsquo;t seem to me to be tied to Western imperialism, although that may be the flavor du\njour. I can imagine any nobleman from any kingdom or empire performing similar acts of tourism - always removed, always at a\ndistance. Even modern psychedelic tourism, born from the bowels of Burning Man, with all its promises of integrative and\nindigenous experiences, end up with strangers retreating in isolation, with ceremonies designed to meet their expectations.[3]\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eEven though on that old tour, I traveled to experience the beauty and strangeness of unfamiliar lands, this exactly was an\nact of doing. Like a Spaniard seeking gold, I had an story in my mind of what I wanted, and I went out and I found it.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"/images/monument_rising.png\" alt=\"monument rising, 2012\" title=\"monument rising, 2012. personal photo.\"\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eIt\u0026rsquo;s two months after my mother has passed when I encounter the grief.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eA wildfire has swept through the largest grove of Joshua trees out in the Mojave National Preserve. Wildfires, sparked by\ndry lightning, are not uncommon to the area. The vegetation is rather sparse and damage is typically localized. However in\nrecent generations, invasive cheatgrass has taken root here and spread, brought over the years by travelers and their vehicles.\nGrass fires accelerate and intensify the flames, creating conditions the Joshua trees simply cannot survive.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI step out of my car, eyes red, feet bare. The ground aches for water. The sky begs for sound.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eHere there is no postcard to experience, no view to behold, no story to consume. There are lava tubes somewhere, maybe, for\nthose who feel the need to see it. Otherwise it is hundreds of miles of desolation, dotted with sage brush, yucca trees,\nflash flood gullies, and the occasional faded map bolted to a shaded wooden frame. I traveled here with little agenda other than\nto experience this devastation, but nothing could have prepared me for its scale.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe land shakes me with a torrential grief. It is reality - simple, pure, and unfiltered by human perception.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThe grasses thrive. The trees wither. There is nothing to do but sit, and bear witness.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"/images/trees.jpg\" alt=\"mother, 2023\" title=\"mother, 2023. personal photo.\"\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003chr\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eTravel is fun, and also a class-restricted privilege.[4] Philosophically I agree with the essayist that the benefits of travelling\nare overstated. I am also partial to the mind of G.K. Chesterton and I am tickled to find agreement with him here.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eBut I don\u0026rsquo;t think the average tourist is guilty of believing in their travels as some virtuous means towards self-fulfillment. It\nmore just seems like they are choosing a slightly different way to pass the time until they die. If you have the privilege, why\nnot exercise it?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI think some clarifying questions are helpful in assessing your relationship to travel:\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAre you traveling to escape your current life environment?\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAre you traveling to accumulate experiences and stories?\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eAre you feeling called or summoned to a particular travel?\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWhat else would you do if you did not embark on this travel?\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eWho else would you be if you never traveled again?\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ul\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eWhen answering these questions for myself I keep close verse 47 of the Tao Te Ching.[5] For myself I have found that unless my\nbody feels summoned to a particular journey, the experience is likely to remain a shallow and ephemeral one. Knowing that awe\ncan be experienced anytime, anywhere - why not here, now?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003cimg src=\"/images/verse47.jpg\" alt=\"tao te ching, verse 47\" title=\"tao te ching, verse 47.\"\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003col\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://archive.is/20251203180616/https://www.newyorker.com/culture/the-weekend-essay/the-case-against-travel\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003eThe Case Against Travel, The New Yorker, March 2023.\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.saexpeditions.com/blog/post/the-long-and-inequal-history-of-leisure-travel\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003eSA Expeditions, The Long and Inequal History of Leisure Travel\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/217927682-shamanism\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003eShamanism, Manvir Singh. Particularly chapter 11, Archaic Revival.\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.oneikathetraveller.com/stop-pretending-everyone-can-travel.html\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003eOneika Raymond, personal blog.\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://terebess.hu/english/tao/ramsay.html#Kap47\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003eTao Te Ching, verse 47, Kwok/Palmer/Ramsay translation.\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003c/li\u003e\n\u003c/ol\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "houses",
            "date_published": "2025-11-07T21:10:41-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2025-11-07T21:10:41-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/houses/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/houses/",
            "content_html": "\u003cdiv class=\"textimagepair\"\u003e\n  \u003cimg\n    src=\"/images/Ghost_Town_Visitor_Win_van_den_Heever_1536x1025.jpg\"\n    alt=\"\"\n    title=\"Ghost Town Visitor (c) Vim van den Heever, 2025.\"\n    class=\"textimagepair__img\"\n  /\u003e\n  \u003cdiv class=\"textimagepair__text\"\u003e\n    \u003cp\u003eWhy do the houses stand\u003cbr\u003e\nWhen they that built them are gone;\u003cbr\u003e\nWhen remaineth even of one\u003cbr\u003e\nThat lived there and loved and planned\u003cbr\u003e\nNot a face, not an eye, not a hand,\u003cbr\u003e\nOnly here and there a bone?\u003cbr\u003e\nWhy do the houses stand\u003cbr\u003e\nWhen they who built them are gone?\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOft in the moonlighted land\u003cbr\u003e\nWhen the day is overblown,\u003cbr\u003e\nWith happy memorial moan\u003cbr\u003e\nSweet ghosts in a loving band\u003cbr\u003e\nRoam through the houses that stand–\u003cbr\u003e\nFor the builders are not gone.\n\u003cbr\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\nGeorge MacDonald\u003c/p\u003e\n\n  \u003c/div\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "the bell jar",
            "date_published": "2025-09-07T21:41:37-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2025-09-07T21:41:37-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/belljar/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/posts/belljar/",
            "content_html": "\u003cp\u003eI saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story.\u003cbr\u003e\nFrom the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eOne fig was a husband and a happy home and children,\u003cbr\u003e\nand another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor,\u003cbr\u003e\nand another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor,\u003cbr\u003e\nand another fig was Europe and Africa and South America,\u003cbr\u003e\nand another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila\u003cbr\u003e\n                  \n                 \nand a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions,\u003cbr\u003e\nand another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion,\u003cbr\u003e\nand beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn\u0026rsquo;t quite make out.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eI saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death,\u003cbr\u003e\njust because I couldn\u0026rsquo;t make up my mind which of the figs I would choose.\u003cbr\u003e\nI wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest,\u003cbr\u003e\nand, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black,\u003cbr\u003e\nand, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.\u003c/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7511-i-saw-my-life-branching-out-before-me-like-the\"\u003eSylvia Plath, The Bell Jar\u003c/a\u003e\u003c/p\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "time cat: america (9/9)",
            "date_published": "2025-08-18T08:57:46-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2025-08-18T08:57:46-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_09/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_09/",
            "content_html": "\u003caudio controls\u003e\n  \u003csource src=\"/audio/timecat09.mp3\" type=\"audio/mp3\"\u003e\n  Your browser does not support the audio element.\n\u003c/audio\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"display:flex; gap:0.75rem; flex-wrap:nowrap;\"\u003e\n  \u003cimg src=\"/images/timecat_cover.jpg\" alt=\"Image 1\"\n       style=\"width:calc(50% - 0.375rem); height:auto; flex:0 0 auto; box-sizing:border-box;\" /\u003e\n  \u003cimg src=\"/images/timecat_part9.jpg\" alt=\"Image 2\"\n       style=\"width:calc(50% - 0.375rem); height:auto; flex:0 0 auto; box-sizing:border-box;\" /\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"anchor\"\u003e\n\u003ch6 id=\"audio-sources\"  id=\"audio-sources\"\u003eAudio sources\u003c/h6\u003e\n\u003ca class=\"\" href=\"#audio-sources\" aria-label=\": Audio sources\"\u003e\n  \u003csvg aria-hidden=\"true\" xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\" width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" stroke-width=\"2\" stroke=\"currentColor\" fill=\"none\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\u003e\n  \u003cpath stroke=\"none\" d=\"M0 0h24v24H0z\" fill=\"none\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M10 14a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 0l4 -4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 -5l-.5 .5\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M14 10a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 0l-4 4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 5l.5 -.5\" /\u003e\n  \u003c/svg\u003e\n\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"anchor\"\u003e\n\u003ch6 id=\"fireplace-license\"  id=\"fireplace-license\"\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdKop6aixVE\"\u003eFireplace\u003c/a\u003e \u003ca href=\"https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/\"\u003e(license)\u003c/a\u003e\u003cbr\u003e\u003c/h6\u003e\n\u003ca class=\"\" href=\"#fireplace-license\" aria-label=\": Fireplace (license)\"\u003e\n  \u003csvg aria-hidden=\"true\" xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\" width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" stroke-width=\"2\" stroke=\"currentColor\" fill=\"none\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\u003e\n  \u003cpath stroke=\"none\" d=\"M0 0h24v24H0z\" fill=\"none\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M10 14a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 0l4 -4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 -5l-.5 .5\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M14 10a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 0l-4 4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 5l.5 -.5\" /\u003e\n  \u003c/svg\u003e\n\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "time cat: germany (8/9)",
            "date_published": "2025-08-17T08:57:46-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2025-08-17T08:57:46-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_08/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_08/",
            "content_html": "\u003caudio controls\u003e\n  \u003csource src=\"/audio/timecat08.mp3\" type=\"audio/mp3\"\u003e\n  Your browser does not support the audio element.\n\u003c/audio\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"display:flex; gap:0.75rem; flex-wrap:nowrap;\"\u003e\n  \u003cimg src=\"/images/timecat_cover.jpg\" alt=\"Image 1\"\n       style=\"width:calc(50% - 0.375rem); height:auto; flex:0 0 auto; box-sizing:border-box;\" /\u003e\n  \u003cimg src=\"/images/timecat_part8.jpg\" alt=\"Image 2\"\n       style=\"width:calc(50% - 0.375rem); height:auto; flex:0 0 auto; box-sizing:border-box;\" /\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"anchor\"\u003e\n\u003ch6 id=\"audio-sources\"  id=\"audio-sources\"\u003eAudio sources\u003c/h6\u003e\n\u003ca class=\"\" href=\"#audio-sources\" aria-label=\": Audio sources\"\u003e\n  \u003csvg aria-hidden=\"true\" xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\" width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" stroke-width=\"2\" stroke=\"currentColor\" fill=\"none\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\u003e\n  \u003cpath stroke=\"none\" d=\"M0 0h24v24H0z\" fill=\"none\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M10 14a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 0l4 -4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 -5l-.5 .5\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M14 10a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 0l-4 4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 5l.5 -.5\" /\u003e\n  \u003c/svg\u003e\n\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"anchor\"\u003e\n\u003ch6 id=\"fireplace-license\"  id=\"fireplace-license\"\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdKop6aixVE\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003eFireplace\u003c/a\u003e\n \u003ca href=\"https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003e(license)\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\u003c/h6\u003e\n\u003ca class=\"\" href=\"#fireplace-license\" aria-label=\": Fireplace\n (license)\n\"\u003e\n  \u003csvg aria-hidden=\"true\" xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\" width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" stroke-width=\"2\" stroke=\"currentColor\" fill=\"none\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\u003e\n  \u003cpath stroke=\"none\" d=\"M0 0h24v24H0z\" fill=\"none\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M10 14a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 0l4 -4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 -5l-.5 .5\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M14 10a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 0l-4 4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 5l.5 -.5\" /\u003e\n  \u003c/svg\u003e\n\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n"
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        {
            "title": "time cat: isle of man (7/9)",
            "date_published": "2025-08-15T08:57:46-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2025-08-15T08:57:46-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_07/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_07/",
            "content_html": "\u003caudio controls\u003e\n  \u003csource src=\"/audio/timecat07.mp3\" type=\"audio/mp3\"\u003e\n  Your browser does not support the audio element.\n\u003c/audio\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"display:flex; gap:0.75rem; flex-wrap:nowrap;\"\u003e\n  \u003cimg src=\"/images/timecat_cover.jpg\" alt=\"Image 1\"\n       style=\"width:calc(50% - 0.375rem); height:auto; flex:0 0 auto; box-sizing:border-box;\" /\u003e\n  \u003cimg src=\"/images/timecat_part7.jpg\" alt=\"Image 2\"\n       style=\"width:calc(50% - 0.375rem); height:auto; flex:0 0 auto; box-sizing:border-box;\" /\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"anchor\"\u003e\n\u003ch6 id=\"audio-sources\"  id=\"audio-sources\"\u003eAudio sources\u003c/h6\u003e\n\u003ca class=\"\" href=\"#audio-sources\" aria-label=\": Audio sources\"\u003e\n  \u003csvg aria-hidden=\"true\" xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\" width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" stroke-width=\"2\" stroke=\"currentColor\" fill=\"none\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\u003e\n  \u003cpath stroke=\"none\" d=\"M0 0h24v24H0z\" fill=\"none\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M10 14a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 0l4 -4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 -5l-.5 .5\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M14 10a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 0l-4 4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 5l.5 -.5\" /\u003e\n  \u003c/svg\u003e\n\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"anchor\"\u003e\n\u003ch6 id=\"fireplace-license\"  id=\"fireplace-license\"\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdKop6aixVE\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003eFireplace\u003c/a\u003e\n \u003ca href=\"https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003e(license)\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\u003c/h6\u003e\n\u003ca class=\"\" href=\"#fireplace-license\" aria-label=\": Fireplace\n (license)\n\"\u003e\n  \u003csvg aria-hidden=\"true\" xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\" width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" stroke-width=\"2\" stroke=\"currentColor\" fill=\"none\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\u003e\n  \u003cpath stroke=\"none\" d=\"M0 0h24v24H0z\" fill=\"none\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M10 14a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 0l4 -4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 -5l-.5 .5\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M14 10a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 0l-4 4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 5l.5 -.5\" /\u003e\n  \u003c/svg\u003e\n\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "time cat: peru (6/9)",
            "date_published": "2025-08-14T08:57:46-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2025-08-14T08:57:46-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_06/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_06/",
            "content_html": "\u003caudio controls\u003e\n  \u003csource src=\"/audio/timecat06.mp3\" type=\"audio/mp3\"\u003e\n  Your browser does not support the audio element.\n\u003c/audio\u003e\n\u003cdiv style=\"display:flex; gap:0.75rem; flex-wrap:nowrap;\"\u003e\n  \u003cimg src=\"/images/timecat_cover.jpg\" alt=\"Image 1\"\n       style=\"width:calc(50% - 0.375rem); height:auto; flex:0 0 auto; box-sizing:border-box;\" /\u003e\n  \u003cimg src=\"/images/timecat_part6.jpg\" alt=\"Image 2\"\n       style=\"width:calc(50% - 0.375rem); height:auto; flex:0 0 auto; box-sizing:border-box;\" /\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\n\u003cdiv class=\"anchor\"\u003e\n\u003ch6 id=\"audio-sources\"  id=\"audio-sources\"\u003eAudio sources\u003c/h6\u003e\n\u003ca class=\"\" href=\"#audio-sources\" aria-label=\": Audio sources\"\u003e\n  \u003csvg aria-hidden=\"true\" xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\" width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" stroke-width=\"2\" stroke=\"currentColor\" fill=\"none\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\u003e\n  \u003cpath stroke=\"none\" d=\"M0 0h24v24H0z\" fill=\"none\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M10 14a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 0l4 -4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 -5l-.5 .5\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M14 10a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 0l-4 4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 5l.5 -.5\" /\u003e\n  \u003c/svg\u003e\n\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n\u003cdiv class=\"anchor\"\u003e\n\u003ch6 id=\"fireplace-license\"  id=\"fireplace-license\"\u003e\u003ca href=\"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdKop6aixVE\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003eFireplace\u003c/a\u003e\n \u003ca href=\"https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"\u003e(license)\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003cbr\u003e\u003c/h6\u003e\n\u003ca class=\"\" href=\"#fireplace-license\" aria-label=\": Fireplace\n (license)\n\"\u003e\n  \u003csvg aria-hidden=\"true\" xmlns=\"http://www.w3.org/2000/svg\" width=\"24\" height=\"24\" viewBox=\"0 0 24 24\" stroke-width=\"2\" stroke=\"currentColor\" fill=\"none\" stroke-linecap=\"round\" stroke-linejoin=\"round\"\u003e\n  \u003cpath stroke=\"none\" d=\"M0 0h24v24H0z\" fill=\"none\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M10 14a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 0l4 -4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 -5l-.5 .5\" /\u003e\n  \u003cpath d=\"M14 10a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 -5 0l-4 4a3.5 3.5 0 0 0 5 5l.5 -.5\" /\u003e\n  \u003c/svg\u003e\n\u003c/a\u003e\n\u003c/div\u003e\n"
        },
        {
            "title": "time cat: italy (5/9)",
            "date_published": "2025-08-13T08:57:46-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2025-08-13T08:57:46-08:00",
            "id": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_05/",
            "url": "https://neelfirst.com/audiobooks/timecat_05/",
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        {
            "title": "time cat: japan (4/9)",
            "date_published": "2025-08-11T08:57:46-08:00",
            "date_modified": "2025-08-11T08:57:46-08:00",
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